Clean Lunch

Our first time around trying to lose weight we ate a lot of Lean Cuisines because it was easy & controlled our portions. This time around, we want to eat food that is a lot more clean & with less sodium. In order to replace the Lean Cuisine we prepped lunch for the entire week on Sunday.  This is the dish we came up with.

Spinach
Kale
Grilled Chicken
Grilled mushrooms, red peppers, onions & eggplant
Quinoa (a tablespoon or so)
Hummus (a tablespoon or so)

Our first week back went pretty well. We currently don't have a scale since we moved so we haven't started weighing ourselves yet. Changing that this week!

FATTY!

I felt a need to resurrect this blog. My struggle with weight has always been mental. I eat when I'm sad & I'm sad that I eat. Any time I come to a point in my life when I feel like I should once again try to take this journey & lose weight, it's always easier if I journal while I'm doing it. It keeps me focused if I keep reminding myself why I am doing it.

I've gained some weight since having Wally. I have not gained back all the weight I lost, but I have gotten off track a bit. I've noticed my habits changing lately & that's what scares me. I don't want this to snowball & end up back at 300 pounds. It's SO easy to gain weight.

I first started this journey in 2008 at 300 pounds. Since then I've lost 100 pounds. I've kept most of it off but the added stress of adulthood is making it harder to keep it off. Right now I am probably about 30 pounds up from my lightest weight. Having spent a few years at that lighter weight, I am incredibly uncomfortable being 30 pounds up. I am so upset with myself that I let myself gain back the weight that I worked so hard to lose. That's what I struggle with the most; being angry at myself. I binge eat when I'm sad. I'm sad that I look like this. I keep eating. I don't care what it is. I don't care how bad it is for you. I just keep eating it. All day. Then my pants don't fit & I'm sad that they don't fit, so I eat a pizza. I told Justin yesterday "what kept me going was how great I felt". I want to get back to that feeling.

So, I started this back up because it's always good to talk about things. I hid from these feelings for a long time & ignored the problem I had with food. I can't ignore this anymore.

Photo above: Justin & I at our heaviest.

Photo below: Justin & I at our lightest.

Babies + Stress = Weight Gain

A few months ago I had a baby boy that we named Wally.  Within the first few weeks I dropped 20 pounds that I had gained from the pregnancy.  Then all of the sudden the weight loss stopped.  As I started back up working (probably too soon for a mom to start) I became stressed about finding time for Wally, my work & making sure that I was keeping my breast milk supply up.  As a result of all of this I started eating crap again.  I was telling Justin last night how unhappy I am with myself.  I'm eating food because I am unhappy that I am so large right now.  I would say I have about 40 pounds to lose until I am back to where I was prior to the pregnancy.  Why won't I just do it?  Why is it so hard for me to jump back on the wagon?

I eat oatmeal every morning because it's good for milk supply.  Everyday I stir in some peanut butter & toss a few chocolate or butterscotch chips on top.  I basically make my oatmeal taste like candy.  Yesterday I told myself I need to stop putting so much crap in my oatmeal.  This morning, I ignored myself and tossed some butterscotch chips on top again.  Then afterwards I was depressed that I let myself do that.  I thought that blogging about the experience would help me to start thinking like I used to.

I feel an obligation to get healthy again for Wally.  I want him to learn how to eat properly.  I don't want him to have fat parents.  I don't want him to know what it's like to grow up fat.  I don't want him to get made fun of in school for being fat.  I want him to be able to buy whatever clothes he wants.  I don't want him to have to have elastic in his jeans.  Ugh.  I have to get back on track.  If I don't do it for myself, I have to do it for him.

2012 Update!

Wow it's been a while since I posted anything here! Well that's cause I'm pregnant! I can't really "lose" weight while I'm pregnant but I have done a decent job not gaining too much. I'm due July 15th so right now I am 25 weeks pregnant. I've only gained 9 pounds so far... I'm sure it will be a few more when I go to the doctor next week.

Once this baby pops out though I'll be back to losing!

It's been a while!

I am back! My life has been pretty crazy lately. Work has been busy (not complaining about that) and I moved back to Indiana from Illinois. Since I have been making some good money work wise, Justin & I have decided to not rent anymore but move in with my parents and save money for a house.

So in the whole stressful moving process, I did not diet one bit. I stepped on the scale this morning to check out how much I have gained. I was 203 pounds. That's basically a 10 pound gain. I can deal with that.

I started back up this week with eating better & exercising. I've always really enjoyed jogging and it's been a dream of mine to be able to run long distances. So, I started up the "Couch to 5K" program this week. It gives you weekly workouts that build up your endurance & by the end of the program you should be capable of jogging 3 miles at a time without stopping.

I'm sick of giving myself weight loss goals. Because when I don't reach them quickly, I get discouraged. I'm going to tell myself to eat healthy & make sure I exercise. If the weight comes off as a result of that then it will be a plus.

Baby?! Not yet.

So this last month Justin & I tried to make a baby. It was kind of a spur of the moment decision. The birth month of our child has to be somewhat planned because I am a photographer. I can't be 8 months pregnant & photographing a wedding. I can't risk missing a wedding that I am contractually obligated to be at because I am pushing a baby out of my vajayjay. SO- with all that said, we discuss what months are best to start trying based on the delivery date. Ideally I would be giving birth to our child between the months of October-March. We discovered that if we made a baby this month the due date of the child would be in March which we assumed would be an awesome time for me to be pregnant & have a baby. So we tried. No luck though. I wasn't as disappointed as I thought I would be when I read "not pregnant" on the test. The universe will give me a baby when I am ready. Right now is not the time.

Since I have decided to take this as a sign, we are going to wait until the end of the year to start trying again. Until then I'd like to kick this weight loss into super high gear & get rid of the extra 50 pounds I have been wanting to get rid of for 3 years now. I'd say 6 months is a safe amount of time to lose 50 pounds. I can manage 10 pounds a month! There are a few reasons for this. Let me list them off to you.

#1- I have decided 100% that I would like to have a completely natural birth experience. My family makes fun of me that I would give birth to my child in the backyard if I could. My friends already think that I am going to be annoying when pregnant, loving every uncomfortable second of it. I am not one bit afraid of giving birth. In fact, I whole heartedly regret not going to school to become a midwife. Since it is important for me to have a natural birth, I think that losing the last 50 pounds is going to make that more of a possibility.

#2- OK, number 2 is really vain but I want to be a cute pregnant lady. I can't help it. I love fashion. I love maternity fashion. I want to still look in style when pregnant & being 50 pounds less would make that easier as well.

So, I will start tomorrow. After I finish this beer. :-)

Journaling.

How did I gain 2 pounds? I'm hoping it's muscle cause I feel amazing! I feel thinner & clothes fit better. I have been working out daily with a set of dumb bells, so my guess is that it's muscle.

I started logging my food again today. I'm trying to experiment with how my body reacts to food. If I end up losing a good amount of weight one week, I can look back at what I ate & try and repeat it.

I'm trying to stick around 300 calories per meal w/ 100 calorie snacks in between. That seems healthy.

For breakfast I made my smoothie. I was amazed to see that it had 30 grams of protein in it. That's a lot! I had it directly after my weights workout, and am going to try and continue that trend. I could drink this smoothie everyday for the rest of my life, it is that delicious.

1 cup frozen fruit (I use strawberries that I picked)
1/2 cup plain Greek yogurt
1/2 cup coconut milk
1 dropper of Stevia
1 scoop 365 Whey Protein Powder
1 scoop Super Grass Chocolate Powder

Soooooo gooooood. It comes to about 300 calories, 4 grams of fat, 7 grams of fiber and 30 grams of protein. It's very good for you too!

Tonight after dinner I'm going to make Justin do a looooong workout with me. He's in for a world of hurt.