Tuesday, March 11, 2008

A BUMP in the road.

Today was the first time I've tried on wedding dresses. It was the most depressing experience of my life. Not only did I not really find anything I liked, everything looked terrible on me. I felt like a ridiculous fat bride and that my bridemaids and my guests are all going to look much more beautiful then I will on my wedding day. It's very discouraging.

Justin lost 4 more pounds... I gained a pound. He also ate 2 hot dogs and french fries on Saturday. This isn't fucking fair. I should just give up. I'm going to just be fat forever, aren't I?

Wednesday, March 5, 2008


It's not hard to eat healthy anymore. I'm past the point where I feel like I am denying myself. I feel like I'm not doing enough. I had a set back this week. I was on my period. Not only was I crabby, but incredibly bloated. The scale told me I didn't lose anything this week. I did really well too. I'm hoping this week goes a lot better and I don't give this up. This is very important to me.

I haven't allowed myself to buy any new clothing until I get down to my June goal- 40 pounds. Since, I've been dreaming of clothing. My ultimate dream is to be able to shop at Anthropologie. I want to own a dress from Anthropologie. Being able to wear a dress from there for my shower would be the ultimate dream come true.

(Anthropologie dress)

It's very hard to love fashion and be fat. I have tons of skinny friends that can wear whatever they want, and they buy boring clothing. I'm so jealous!

Saturday, March 1, 2008


Today is bad because I am in the midst of my monthly woman duty & I feel incredibly bloated.

I haven't bought a new bathing suit since I was in 8th grade. Yes, I have owned and swam in the same bathing suit since I was 14. Can you believe that's almost 10 years? In fact, it's a black bathing suit with white polka dots, a little skirt & a nice giant hole in it's gauzy lining. It's hot. I even got it from walmart. The fact is, I haven't felt the need to buy a bathing suit in nearly 10 years because I don't swim.... not in front of other people that is.

I'm losing weight for myself- so that I can swim this summer.

I want this bathing suit because it's hot & funky.