This is Hard...

Yesterday I did really good all day. I even tried (key word-"tried") to accomplish my goals. After I returned from my afternoon trip to Macy's, I bundled up and took Ruby out for a walk. About halfway through the walk, I slipped on the snow and almost cracked my head open. I realized that I was more comfortable living another day as a "fat chick" then dead, so Ruby and I made our way back into the warm house. Plus, I think Ruby was choking on some snow she sniffed up. I'll try again when it's not 10 degrees out.

I made out most of my shopping list, and hopefully I'll be getting to the store this weekend to pick up my healthy treats. I need to have an over abundance of healthy foods in the house, or I'll get really sick of eating the 3 healthy things we have and eat some cake or something.

This morning I made a mistake and ate a piece of carrot cake. I'm sick though, so I decided to let myself slide. I'll behave the rest of the day and eat my "yummy" lean cuisine for lunch. I hope I get over this cold because I have a very busy weekend ahead of me. (take the cousins shopping, photograph Olivia, meet with the future in-laws, meet with the wedding planner, Charlie's birthday party... etc.)

Today's Goal: Eat healthy for the rest of the day & get a good nights sleep.
Tomorrow's Goal: Put less sugar in my coffe.

Fat Maggie

That's me, on the left, the fat one in the photo. Over the years I've gotten used to seeing myself pictured next to ladies that are a lot more slender then me. I think that's a pretty positive thing. I know a lot of thin women who hate seeing themselves in photographs. I never really understood their logic. Every day of my life people see what I look like. They even see angles of my body that I will never ever see because it's not physically possible (at least at this weight). So, why would I hate a photograph of myself? I don't really mind. I'm not sure that people are afraid of what other people notice about them in the photograph, but what they notice about themselves. When you see a photograph of yourself, you have to look at the traits you feel insecure about. You can't obscure your problems, push them back and ignore them when they're right in front of your face. Every time I see a photo of myself I can't help but feel somewhat like a failure. I know that I need to lose weight, but why don't I just do it? The concept is really quite simple. You eat healthier foods in smaller portions and you exercise. Right? All of these things make you feel amazing when you make them part of your routine so why do I have such a hard time doing so?

Why do I want to lose weight? I'm not going to lie, one reason is because of how I look. I can't help it, we are all a little vain. But most importantly, I am concerned about my health. I can't live like this forever because the older I get, the more my weight is going to affect how fast I age. I would like to have healthy pregnancies and be able to keep up with the children I bring into this world. Most importantly I would like to feel my age. I feel like my body is much older then 22. I mean, jesus I have spider veins! Lastly, my wedding is on October 4th of this year and dammit, I want to look hot. For once in my life, I want people to tell me I look good.

Tomorrow's Goal: Go for a walk w/ the dog & make a grocery list of healthy foods.