Monday, January 21, 2008

Fat Maggie

That's me, on the left, the fat one in the photo. Over the years I've gotten used to seeing myself pictured next to ladies that are a lot more slender then me. I think that's a pretty positive thing. I know a lot of thin women who hate seeing themselves in photographs. I never really understood their logic. Every day of my life people see what I look like. They even see angles of my body that I will never ever see because it's not physically possible (at least at this weight). So, why would I hate a photograph of myself? I don't really mind. I'm not sure that people are afraid of what other people notice about them in the photograph, but what they notice about themselves. When you see a photograph of yourself, you have to look at the traits you feel insecure about. You can't obscure your problems, push them back and ignore them when they're right in front of your face. Every time I see a photo of myself I can't help but feel somewhat like a failure. I know that I need to lose weight, but why don't I just do it? The concept is really quite simple. You eat healthier foods in smaller portions and you exercise. Right? All of these things make you feel amazing when you make them part of your routine so why do I have such a hard time doing so?

Why do I want to lose weight? I'm not going to lie, one reason is because of how I look. I can't help it, we are all a little vain. But most importantly, I am concerned about my health. I can't live like this forever because the older I get, the more my weight is going to affect how fast I age. I would like to have healthy pregnancies and be able to keep up with the children I bring into this world. Most importantly I would like to feel my age. I feel like my body is much older then 22. I mean, jesus I have spider veins! Lastly, my wedding is on October 4th of this year and dammit, I want to look hot. For once in my life, I want people to tell me I look good.

Tomorrow's Goal: Go for a walk w/ the dog & make a grocery list of healthy foods.

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