A few months ago I had a baby boy that we named Wally. Within the first few weeks I dropped 20 pounds that I had gained from the pregnancy. Then all of the sudden the weight loss stopped. As I started back up working (probably too soon for a mom to start) I became stressed about finding time for Wally, my work & making sure that I was keeping my breast milk supply up. As a result of all of this I started eating crap again. I was telling Justin last night how unhappy I am with myself. I'm eating food because I am unhappy that I am so large right now. I would say I have about 40 pounds to lose until I am back to where I was prior to the pregnancy. Why won't I just do it? Why is it so hard for me to jump back on the wagon?
I eat oatmeal every morning because it's good for milk supply. Everyday I stir in some peanut butter & toss a few chocolate or butterscotch chips on top. I basically make my oatmeal taste like candy. Yesterday I told myself I need to stop putting so much crap in my oatmeal. This morning, I ignored myself and tossed some butterscotch chips on top again. Then afterwards I was depressed that I let myself do that. I thought that blogging about the experience would help me to start thinking like I used to.
I feel an obligation to get healthy again for Wally. I want him to learn how to eat properly. I don't want him to have fat parents. I don't want him to know what it's like to grow up fat. I don't want him to get made fun of in school for being fat. I want him to be able to buy whatever clothes he wants. I don't want him to have to have elastic in his jeans. Ugh. I have to get back on track. If I don't do it for myself, I have to do it for him.