Monday, June 22, 2015


I felt a need to resurrect this blog. My struggle with weight has always been mental. I eat when I'm sad & I'm sad that I eat. Any time I come to a point in my life when I feel like I should once again try to take this journey & lose weight, it's always easier if I journal while I'm doing it. It keeps me focused if I keep reminding myself why I am doing it.

I've gained some weight since having Wally. I have not gained back all the weight I lost, but I have gotten off track a bit. I've noticed my habits changing lately & that's what scares me. I don't want this to snowball & end up back at 300 pounds. It's SO easy to gain weight.

I first started this journey in 2008 at 300 pounds. Since then I've lost 100 pounds. I've kept most of it off but the added stress of adulthood is making it harder to keep it off. Right now I am probably about 30 pounds up from my lightest weight. Having spent a few years at that lighter weight, I am incredibly uncomfortable being 30 pounds up. I am so upset with myself that I let myself gain back the weight that I worked so hard to lose. That's what I struggle with the most; being angry at myself. I binge eat when I'm sad. I'm sad that I look like this. I keep eating. I don't care what it is. I don't care how bad it is for you. I just keep eating it. All day. Then my pants don't fit & I'm sad that they don't fit, so I eat a pizza. I told Justin yesterday "what kept me going was how great I felt". I want to get back to that feeling.

So, I started this back up because it's always good to talk about things. I hid from these feelings for a long time & ignored the problem I had with food. I can't ignore this anymore.

Photo above: Justin & I at our heaviest.
Photo below: Justin & I at our lightest.

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